Good and got lots done.
First - I treated my fellow April birthday girlfriend to a massage on Saturday. The masseuse really worked a bad knot out of my back leaving me to lounge around in hot baths and on heating pads yesterday because it still hurt. After the massages we went out for liner (lunch and dinner) and had Indian food - good Indian food.
If I wasn't aching from the massage then I watched some favorite movies like Forrest Gump and The Great Train Robbery with Sean Connery. I got some spring cleaning done! I got lots of chatchka, single socks, hair bands I no longer use, old letters and correspondence I no longer need, and general junk thrown out! It feels so good. Next up is books and clothes which I will donate.
Now before I get to more healing stories I want to share:
Today is May/Beltaine Eve - so I got some dark chocolate with salt and bacon in it - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, amazing - I love dark chocolate with salt. Just have to be careful with the salt. I am going to do a quiet celebration May Eve tonight with candle magic and good food. Tomorrow after therapy I will pick up some flowers and maybe a little sweet in celebration of May Day.
"Let meadows shine with columbine and daffodils blossom away..." "Lusty Month of May" from the musical Camelot
On the therapy/healing from -
Something interesting happened to - this was after my afternoon with R having massages. We where talking about fear and patterns of violence and fear that are passed down in families, fears, that as children we really aren't aware of but that we react to none the less. Well, this got my sub or unconscious bubbling, thinking on fear and family patterns and anxiety being about the future - when part outside of my, part in me a knowing all of sudden - like me saying something to me, but from a wiser knowing place - say to me - "Yes, you feared the future when you were little because no one was there to really guide you - you had to do it on your own - and you had no idea how to do it - you had to make it up as you went along - and that was so scary for so long - that fear created the anxiety" Now, it didn't come through to my quite so wordy - I just kind of knew it. I had said this to R during liner and I have been thinking it for awhile - but now it was coming to me as a affirmation outside of me - back to me
Here I am trying to trace back what R and I were talking about so that you and I can see the pattern and the affirmation. R and I were talking about fear in families - how we learn, sub to unconsciously about abuses to our people, families, clans, nation - by conquers - and how the pattern of fear, subjugation, violence can get passed down over centuries. I commented that I will never know what the fear pattern was in my mother's life she never said and now it is lost to me even if she could name it. Not only is my personal experience of being left alone very young to fend for myself at work, but so to are patterns my mother and father couldn't even name and those patterns may go back generations. So what is this would lead to such an affirmation of my own experience - I am not sure - but somehow it worked it's way through - to both affirm the experience of fear - but then also giving me the boost of confidence - as if the fear no longer matters.
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