being tired

This morning I thought I wouldn't get lunch until very late today. So I thought "okay- go downstairs and get a cup of coffee and a muffin to hold you over." Now I am having an argument with myself whether or not I should still do this since I may be able to get lunch earlier - but as I write I think not given the meetings I have to go today - so end of argument - I am going to keep to my original plan. Well, at least I will go get a cup of coffee. The coffee will help with the tired feeling and to brighten what proves to be another rainy day. When I get tired I just don't want to try. It feels like I don't have the energy to make good choices - but rather to make comfortable or comforting choices. And for right now that is all I have the energy to say. Update - the coffee was good - the bran blueberry muffin was disappointing - dry and barely a blueberry in it. So much for winning the argument. I am tired and going home. I can't even think of going to get weight at Weight Watchers.

The Zombies and no dessert

Going to restaurants has be a bit of a conflicted event recently. I take the view that going out is a good time to treat myself to things I want and to celebrate with some abandon. Well, when I go out to eat I usually order dessert - last night I didn't! A very dear Scottish friend of mine had an extra ticket to hear The Zombies at City Winery last night - his treat - except for a round of beers. I had a great night singing along to great 60's hits and reveling in music I love but didn't have a chance to grow up with because I just born to late. Thank heavens for older brothers who had LPs in the house that I could listen to - oh the Apple Records - Beatles album that a very young Carolyn put crayon on - much to the chagrin of my older brother. But back to last night. I did have a great burger with toppings and beer - which do have their calories. The small victory for me last night was not ordering dessert. We will tackle burgers and beer another time. And the music was wonderful and such a great treat. PS - boy coffee can work wonders on grey rainy days and after being out until the wee hours the night before - I don't generally drink coffee, but some days I just need that extra little lift to my day.....

sugar sugar sugar

I find myself in a little funk today - getting down on myself. My love of sugar is rubbing me the wrong way today - I would even venture to addiction - and that is hard for me to say. What brought this about - coming home from my friends last night and I needed my sweet fix. So I made cinnamon sugar popcorn. I have for years joked about with friends that one thing I love is having my sweet at the end of the day. It is one of those nice little things during the day. Well, today I don't feel so cheery about it. I am not saying that I can get all sugar out of my diet - some sugar is good. But I do want to change one little pattern - not by giving up an evening sweet - but by changing it with either fresh fruit, maybe with some nuts and honey - or yogurt and fruit - and to move away from cobblers, cookies and cakes. So I am going to try the change - for two weeks - first to see if I can do. So as I write this I feel my grumpiness lift a little - because I am really not giving something up completely - but I am changing to something else - something healthier. Okay - so this feels like a little triumph - it hard to admit something, to be honest, to be willing to try to change - and in that feel like I can release the extrat weight - to get to a healthier weight - it turns that little despair of "will I ever get there" into a hopeful, faithful idea that this is another step to success.

sweets confession

Okay - I confess.....I got Entemann's black and white cookies because of the autumnal equinox - well, balance of dark and light/black and white - my little celebration - well I ate all 10 cookies. Not in one sitting - well in one evening. Lately it has been the late night hunger that is getting to me - troubling me really. I have always struggled with sweets - bringing them into the house. As a general rule I don't buy cookies. I will get WW (Weight Watchers) sweets since those fit in my Weight Watchers plan or I will make my own recipes for things - but cookies especially are one of my weaknesses. So - well the deed is done - tomorrow is already here - so I just have to try again tomorrow - be gentle and forgiving to me and try again tomorrow. Now chocolate's caffine will keep me up.....

Starting to share

Well, I am inspired by one twenty five blog written by a young women committed to losing weight. So, here I share my food stories, my relationship with food, with eating and with life. I want this most of all to be something that I write for my self - to be honest with myself and to not hide my eating habits from me. That maybe by sharing them or getting them out in writing I can change the patterns that I see here. So, here are some recent thoughts and happenings - Was sick with an ear ache yesterday - so my comfort food is quick/easy peanut butter and honey with a little smart balance - it just adds a little something that has my tastebuds have loved ever since I was a child. I did do chicken and dumplings and a little apple cobbler for dinner. I always think that being sick means extra self care which for me includes eating comfort food for me. I did eat more than what I try to keep myself to on a regular day. There I am honest about that. I was hungry and satisfied my hunger. I guess my point it that doing the special food things when sick is okay - it is self care and I am not going to beat myself up for going off my regular routine while sick - and that I will get back to my regular routine as soon as I feel better.