Good and got lots done.
First - I treated my fellow April birthday girlfriend to a massage on Saturday. The masseuse really worked a bad knot out of my back leaving me to lounge around in hot baths and on heating pads yesterday because it still hurt. After the massages we went out for liner (lunch and dinner) and had Indian food - good Indian food.
If I wasn't aching from the massage then I watched some favorite movies like Forrest Gump and The Great Train Robbery with Sean Connery. I got some spring cleaning done! I got lots of chatchka, single socks, hair bands I no longer use, old letters and correspondence I no longer need, and general junk thrown out! It feels so good. Next up is books and clothes which I will donate.
Now before I get to more healing stories I want to share:
Today is May/Beltaine Eve - so I got some dark chocolate with salt and bacon in it - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, amazing - I love dark chocolate with salt. Just have to be careful with the salt. I am going to do a quiet celebration May Eve tonight with candle magic and good food. Tomorrow after therapy I will pick up some flowers and maybe a little sweet in celebration of May Day.
"Let meadows shine with columbine and daffodils blossom away..." "Lusty Month of May" from the musical Camelot
On the therapy/healing from -
Something interesting happened to - this was after my afternoon with R having massages. We where talking about fear and patterns of violence and fear that are passed down in families, fears, that as children we really aren't aware of but that we react to none the less. Well, this got my sub or unconscious bubbling, thinking on fear and family patterns and anxiety being about the future - when part outside of my, part in me a knowing all of sudden - like me saying something to me, but from a wiser knowing place - say to me - "Yes, you feared the future when you were little because no one was there to really guide you - you had to do it on your own - and you had no idea how to do it - you had to make it up as you went along - and that was so scary for so long - that fear created the anxiety" Now, it didn't come through to my quite so wordy - I just kind of knew it. I had said this to R during liner and I have been thinking it for awhile - but now it was coming to me as a affirmation outside of me - back to me
Here I am trying to trace back what R and I were talking about so that you and I can see the pattern and the affirmation. R and I were talking about fear in families - how we learn, sub to unconsciously about abuses to our people, families, clans, nation - by conquers - and how the pattern of fear, subjugation, violence can get passed down over centuries. I commented that I will never know what the fear pattern was in my mother's life she never said and now it is lost to me even if she could name it. Not only is my personal experience of being left alone very young to fend for myself at work, but so to are patterns my mother and father couldn't even name and those patterns may go back generations. So what is this would lead to such an affirmation of my own experience - I am not sure - but somehow it worked it's way through - to both affirm the experience of fear - but then also giving me the boost of confidence - as if the fear no longer matters.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Letter from skinny to obese Carolyn
this exercise if from A Course in Weight Loss
To write this amazing letter was a challenge - to put it in writing for myself, to be honest about fear, to love myself and the messages going through my mind about my skinny and fat me. This may take a few more letters to get through, but this is a good beginning.......
To write this amazing letter was a challenge - to put it in writing for myself, to be honest about fear, to love myself and the messages going through my mind about my skinny and fat me. This may take a few more letters to get through, but this is a good beginning.......
Dear voluptuous Carolyn
This is skinny Carolyn talking here. Hey I am here! Do you
hear me!!! I call you voluptuous because you are – but you have too much
voluptuous. Let’s be honest, you are obese. How long do I have to wait for you
to get healthy and really slim down? I know you have lost 40 pounds, but you
have at least 90 more to go. What your waiting for? The knees hurt and you don’t
have enough energy to do the things you want like hiking and dancing. You have the extra chin - rolls on your back - that extra tummy - and flabby arms! When you do dance you can't do it for long - you tired so easily. And you are headed
for diabetes if we don’t get this weight seriously under control as well as
other health issues that obesity brings. You want to get off those blood
pressure meds right? So what are you waiting for? I am not angry just impatient for you really step up, I mean step up in a big way.
I know you have changed a lot; your eating habits are
healthier, you are walking more, you are tracking your sugar/carbs and salt. You
have cut back on bread. You now have salads at lunch most work days. You have made a lot of changes, but still more needs to be done! You kept the weight off even through a fight with
cancer. These are all wonderful accomplishments and changes. But I want to tell
you, you need to step it up a little – be more consistent with your walking,
especially after work, watch those sugars like a hawk! Maybe you need to start
going back to the gym. Sugar is still a BIG challenge for you – keep working at
it. You are cutting back – cut back more. You still need to shift away from
carbs, eat more beans, less rice. Sweets are your Achilles Heel – if you are
going to have sweets – have a taste/very small amount.
You can’t wait any longer to accomplish this – the time is
NOW! Do what you have to do to get your energy and health back.
Now, I know you are afraid of being skinny. You are afraid
of being vulnerable, attractive, even sexy. You are even afraid to be you,
wonderful, loving, glorious you! You are afraid of what you and others will
think when you are skinny! Sweety – you are so scared of you! I want you to be
me and me you! You deserve it. You deserve to be loved and cherished – and you
deserve to love you! TO LOVE ALL OF YOU! That attempted rape happened so long ago and
now you are working on all those issues for your childhood/adolescences and
rape. You are lovingly yourself to healing.
You know what you also have to stop listening to those who say "Don't get too thin" - what - they want to keep a little fat on you! Right now that sounds like "Don't love all of yourself - you have to stop short of being thin". I will get healthy and trim, you are just going to have to trust me to get to my right weight whether that is 150, 175 or 130 pounds. I can't let other people fear get in the way. I can't let their fear that I will not longer love them because they have extra weight, or that I have gone after my goal and they haven't stop me. Tell them to stop putting obstacles in your way. Tell them to stop worrying about how thin I will be and start worrying about their own weight.
This is a life time journey of work and attention. You have
done a good job so far, but you need to stop hiding, stop being so afraid of yourself
and others. I give you my love - all of it and forever, now you need to love and trust me – let me help
you not be afraid and to start loving yourself even more kindly and fiercely. Invite me to this joyous fun party of you becoming a beautiful, sexy, skinny you. You
are doing this – you will reach your goal. I know you will. I love you and I
hope you will learn to love and trust me so we can have more love to share. Lets hike and dance, love and be fierce, find joy and bliss together.
Love, Skinny Carolyn
Crazy day
Pratt's Fashion Show was last night. A show of graduating seniors work. Interesting night and today I am TIRED! I have the okay from the boss to go home early (I was also in a 8AM to help him with a meeting - woof!)
Observations from yesterday: Grumpy me - I don't like change - last minute changes to guest lists - sorry, generally speaking I am not much of a spontaneous person - I like a plan - I like to keep to my plans - plans = order - making a last minute decision to do something is a little strange to me - I am not saying a can't or don't do it, I do - but my modes operand i is to have a plan
almost overwhelmed me - I can do this - I ask for help - do it a step at a time - challenging when several things are going on at once or I think they are - unplug from the anxiety and now that things will get done okay - also reaching out to the Divine Goddess and order to calm me down - always such a challenge.....
Dearest Carolyn -
Breathe sister - I am here! Calm - make a plan - take it a step at a time - You know how to do this! I have confidence in you. There you go - I see you light of love shining in you! Oh, that smile - yes, and the flutterings in your heart - Thank you. You reach out and reach in to touch me and listen. Let me just give you a big hug from the me and the universe! Smile girl Smile......and carry this with you all day... all will be well....
In deepest Love,
Your loving whispering Goddess
Observations from yesterday: Grumpy me - I don't like change - last minute changes to guest lists - sorry, generally speaking I am not much of a spontaneous person - I like a plan - I like to keep to my plans - plans = order - making a last minute decision to do something is a little strange to me - I am not saying a can't or don't do it, I do - but my modes operand i is to have a plan
almost overwhelmed me - I can do this - I ask for help - do it a step at a time - challenging when several things are going on at once or I think they are - unplug from the anxiety and now that things will get done okay - also reaching out to the Divine Goddess and order to calm me down - always such a challenge.....
Dearest Carolyn -
Breathe sister - I am here! Calm - make a plan - take it a step at a time - You know how to do this! I have confidence in you. There you go - I see you light of love shining in you! Oh, that smile - yes, and the flutterings in your heart - Thank you. You reach out and reach in to touch me and listen. Let me just give you a big hug from the me and the universe! Smile girl Smile......and carry this with you all day... all will be well....
In deepest Love,
Your loving whispering Goddess
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Talking to Tizzy Carolyn
Here is a conversation I had with Tizzy me last night on the way home on the subway -
- Tizzy me what are you trying to tell me? Why are did you get so upset?
- Because you don't speak up - I get frustrated when you are silent when you should say something - especially to Joe
- I hear you - and I am trying to change. I spoke up today with Sallie Mae. Tizzy me I love you and I am trying to listen to you, please be patient with me as I try to change years of silence - I am learning each day how to speak more and more of my truth
- I know you try so hard - but I am tired of being silent
- I know you are and I am hearing you and honoring you more. I am trying to speak what you want me to say, what you want me to express
- Carolyn - you practice in your head but then don't follow through and do it
- I know I am trying. I am trying to speak up in the moment and to get everything that I need to say out - I will try to listen to you and speak up more - will you help me?
- Okay - I will try. Now what about the heat and Joe tonight
- Well lets wait and see if there is a problem
- Okay
Love note to the Goddess
To the most lovely Divine Mother/Sister/Friend -
Today I worked on welcoming you in each moment, some were easy, some hard. You were there with me on the Sallie Mae call - I tried to stay connected to your Divine Order by standing up for myself, expressing myself fully and working to a good conclusion. I have started to look for the Divine in me - in the mirror - flirting with me - and thanking myself of showing up for me and you. It is curious to move you from out there to in me, trying to be open to this communion - it will take practice on my part. I have experienced it before, but it has sometimes fleeting to short lived - I wanted a deeper, more consistent relationship with you and with myself. I am proud for doing the best that I can.
I did see awe today and celebrated your creation by marveling at all the different colors of green that come out in spring as well as finding a pretty early rose in bloom. This day was a good day and I am so grateful.
Love always.
Carolyn
Today I worked on welcoming you in each moment, some were easy, some hard. You were there with me on the Sallie Mae call - I tried to stay connected to your Divine Order by standing up for myself, expressing myself fully and working to a good conclusion. I have started to look for the Divine in me - in the mirror - flirting with me - and thanking myself of showing up for me and you. It is curious to move you from out there to in me, trying to be open to this communion - it will take practice on my part. I have experienced it before, but it has sometimes fleeting to short lived - I wanted a deeper, more consistent relationship with you and with myself. I am proud for doing the best that I can.
I did see awe today and celebrated your creation by marveling at all the different colors of green that come out in spring as well as finding a pretty early rose in bloom. This day was a good day and I am so grateful.
Love always.
Carolyn
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I just have to share
Student Loans - always a headache! and always causes some level of panic for me
Took a deep breath - asked the Goddess to help guide me. The conversation with the costumer rep. didn't go well - he wasn't very helpful. I come to find out that the repayment plan I was in I was no longer eligible for but Sallie Mae didn't communicate that to me, no email, no US mail, nothing. I got angry. So I asked for a supervisor - who really helped me out. I first let into her for not notifying me about my ineligibility. I said I was upset and extremely disappointed by their service. I was also angry that the options I was given by the first person where ones that I could not afford, and did she want me to default on my loans. She began to work with me to find a more affordable option, which we found. She also apologized for Sallie Mae not contacting me.
Goddess, thank you for being with me, for the courage to speak up, get what I needed, express myself in the moment, and then to work it through to a satisfactory conclusion. I am so grateful.....
Took a deep breath - asked the Goddess to help guide me. The conversation with the costumer rep. didn't go well - he wasn't very helpful. I come to find out that the repayment plan I was in I was no longer eligible for but Sallie Mae didn't communicate that to me, no email, no US mail, nothing. I got angry. So I asked for a supervisor - who really helped me out. I first let into her for not notifying me about my ineligibility. I said I was upset and extremely disappointed by their service. I was also angry that the options I was given by the first person where ones that I could not afford, and did she want me to default on my loans. She began to work with me to find a more affordable option, which we found. She also apologized for Sallie Mae not contacting me.
Goddess, thank you for being with me, for the courage to speak up, get what I needed, express myself in the moment, and then to work it through to a satisfactory conclusion. I am so grateful.....
Love letters experiment
So, and a heavy sigh.
Therapy helped a lot last night - helped me see despite my tizzy that I did several things to be proactive and that I am not without choices. Again today i am trying to be kind and gentle to myself, but I am still feeling rather foolish that I got so emotionally wound up.
We talked about trust and anger. I found this quote on Facebook this morning: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die - Felice Dunas - AMEN! so now the challenge of letting go. It is so simple, yet can be hard for me.
So, I want to move on to brighter things. I picked up this book "Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead" on my smart phone kindle. First - I love my kindle app because I can highlight text and save notes - it is so cool! Second this is a very easy and fun book to read and it helps give me hope. The author talks about letting go of attachments to goals and she is always "calling on the Divine Order" And this leads to my experiment: Writing love letters from the Goddess to me - and me to the Goddess. It feels like a fun and positive thing to do - so I am going to give it a try:
Dearest Carolyn,
I know you want me in your life in a special way and you have struggled to figure that out. I want you to know I am with all the time, I am as close as the air you breathe. I love you so much, you are so precious to me and I want to see you truly happy. We talk so often together - I hear all your worries and sorrows. You can trust me and give them over to me. I know it is hard to let go and to give up control. Become the water - let you and I become one, not just you here and me out there. I am so proud of you all that you are capable of. I know how strong you are even when you feel so lost and unsure.
Let me fill you with love and let us walk together today.
With all love, affection and support,
Goddess
Therapy helped a lot last night - helped me see despite my tizzy that I did several things to be proactive and that I am not without choices. Again today i am trying to be kind and gentle to myself, but I am still feeling rather foolish that I got so emotionally wound up.
We talked about trust and anger. I found this quote on Facebook this morning: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die - Felice Dunas - AMEN! so now the challenge of letting go. It is so simple, yet can be hard for me.
So, I want to move on to brighter things. I picked up this book "Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead" on my smart phone kindle. First - I love my kindle app because I can highlight text and save notes - it is so cool! Second this is a very easy and fun book to read and it helps give me hope. The author talks about letting go of attachments to goals and she is always "calling on the Divine Order" And this leads to my experiment: Writing love letters from the Goddess to me - and me to the Goddess. It feels like a fun and positive thing to do - so I am going to give it a try:
Dearest Carolyn,
I know you want me in your life in a special way and you have struggled to figure that out. I want you to know I am with all the time, I am as close as the air you breathe. I love you so much, you are so precious to me and I want to see you truly happy. We talk so often together - I hear all your worries and sorrows. You can trust me and give them over to me. I know it is hard to let go and to give up control. Become the water - let you and I become one, not just you here and me out there. I am so proud of you all that you are capable of. I know how strong you are even when you feel so lost and unsure.
Let me fill you with love and let us walk together today.
With all love, affection and support,
Goddess
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
dealing with anger - brain bubblings.....
This all seems so hard - to trust, to love, to let go the past and the anger. It really hurts me the most - I was all set to get a moving process going because my landlord still hasn't fixed the roof - it hurts feeling stuck in so many ways - financially - economically - spiritually - i get angry and frustrated - but then I pick up a Thich Nhat Han book about dealing with difficult emotions - especially anger - getting to the root it - giving the anger love - expressing it - which is where I feel like a fail the most - getting the anger out in a timely manner. Then there are the layers of anger. I want to stop feeding my anger. I know it will take practice and I have been working on it, just today it feels all so overwhelming
Saturday, April 21, 2012
A birthday poem
Giving birth to me
I have been up for hours
In the dark of night
In candle light
Christmas light glowing at dawn
Rubbing my belly
It feels like
I have all of a sudden
Let go of 40 years of fear
An my belly hurts
Bursting free
My fingers have pierced the membrane
Of memories holding me back
And the flood of hurt
Flows out of my cells
My nerves
Raw in newness
On fire with love
For around are many other women
Beloved Friends
Holding my hand
Whispering in my ear
Hugging me
Holding me up
Calling beloved me back to me
As I rub my belly
Worshipping all it has held
All it is letting go
Wrapping myself in soft burgundy red velvet
A red coin scarf swaths my belly
It is more precious than gold
Warm love tears mingled joy and sorrow
Wash over me
Carrying healing
Bathing me in hope
I feel a tired begin to creep in around me
I want to sleep
With smiles and bubbles
Dream silly dreams of laughter
Wrapped warm
In a deep awe of love
This is how I give birth to myself
Friday, April 20, 2012
brain bubblings
Or stream of consciousness:
Yellow chakra - adrenal glands - just above the kidneys - searching on Wikipedia -
The colour that corresponds to Manipura is yellow. Key issues governed by Manipura are issues of personal power, fear, anxiety, opinion-formation, introversion, and transition from simple or base emotions to complex.
facing fears - tracing old patterns of pulling away - hiding - little me learns "no one loves me so I have to take care of everything myself " - that over time becomes a unseen trap - now seen - When I get hurt this old pattern kicks in - now that I see the pattern I think I can change it - back to yellow chakra - old fears and anxiety - kidneys and kidney stones - also weight around my tummy - also kidneys are tied to blood pressure - feeling hope and healing - maybe that is why I bought a yellow - 7 day candle a while back - renewed commitment to losing weight and healing the past
Birthday - cupcakes - Spa Castle - Alice's Tea Cup - chocolate - need to have a "birthday cake" something - feeling happy and grateful....
Yellow chakra - adrenal glands - just above the kidneys - searching on Wikipedia -
The colour that corresponds to Manipura is yellow. Key issues governed by Manipura are issues of personal power, fear, anxiety, opinion-formation, introversion, and transition from simple or base emotions to complex.
facing fears - tracing old patterns of pulling away - hiding - little me learns "no one loves me so I have to take care of everything myself " - that over time becomes a unseen trap - now seen - When I get hurt this old pattern kicks in - now that I see the pattern I think I can change it - back to yellow chakra - old fears and anxiety - kidneys and kidney stones - also weight around my tummy - also kidneys are tied to blood pressure - feeling hope and healing - maybe that is why I bought a yellow - 7 day candle a while back - renewed commitment to losing weight and healing the past
Birthday - cupcakes - Spa Castle - Alice's Tea Cup - chocolate - need to have a "birthday cake" something - feeling happy and grateful....
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Its been a while
So, I haven't been chattering here for some time. Today I finally feel like a funk I was in has lifted. The final piece was some truth talking to myself about how the Vagina Monologues went this year. I have been fussing about how I didn't have fun this year - that it felt more like an obligation than fun commitment. I kept focusing on the negative and frustration. Well, last night I said to myself "Enough! - You have a choice Carolyn, you can stay in this negative head space or you can choose to reclaim the positives of the experience and forgive yourself for what you see as your failures." Well, staying negative wasn't working for me, so I chose to be positive. So, this morning I woke up not feeling grumpy, other then getting less sleep than usual, and I really felt gratitude for all the good things in my life. It felt good and positive.
So coming through the last couple of months was like a roller coaster ride, mostly trying to stay positive in the face of my own fears and grumpiness. From my cancer anniversary, to foolish jealousy and stressful Vagina Monologues it felt like I was trying to escape this emotional trap I was in. As I have dealt with each situation to a point of healing the trap has loosened so that now I feel free of it. It has meant working and facing my fears and coming out the other side a little wiser.
So, in other area, I have kept to my new eating pattern of having a salad for lunch most days at work. And I am trying to cut back on the carbs - though for a couple of nights I had Ben and Jerry's ice cream with chocolate sauce (Hence the reason for not getting a good night's sleep last night). Last week I finally got through the pineapple bread pudding in my frig. Now I work on that sweets pattern to get to something healthier.
Now I am getting ready for all kinds of Birthday celebrations. I am going to see if this week I can pick up a scale! That is right I am going to try and make peace with a scale. I have to know if I made any progress with the changes I have made. I was talking with a friend the other night, talking of other things, but especially about eating and habits. I think I will have a 'need to know' relationship with my scale - I will get on it when I need to know if I have made any progress. I don't think I can do every week, let alone every day - that would just freak me out - but maybe once a month, give or take would work - to do when i need to know.
I kind of know I have made progress by these external signs:
A ring that I love I can finally get on - I haven't been able to do this in years
The other ring I wear is lose on my finger
I put on a favorite shirt over the weekend and it was looser in the arms and didn't pull so much around the chest making those embarrassing gaps between buttons.
So let's hope the scale confirms what I already know!
So coming through the last couple of months was like a roller coaster ride, mostly trying to stay positive in the face of my own fears and grumpiness. From my cancer anniversary, to foolish jealousy and stressful Vagina Monologues it felt like I was trying to escape this emotional trap I was in. As I have dealt with each situation to a point of healing the trap has loosened so that now I feel free of it. It has meant working and facing my fears and coming out the other side a little wiser.
So, in other area, I have kept to my new eating pattern of having a salad for lunch most days at work. And I am trying to cut back on the carbs - though for a couple of nights I had Ben and Jerry's ice cream with chocolate sauce (Hence the reason for not getting a good night's sleep last night). Last week I finally got through the pineapple bread pudding in my frig. Now I work on that sweets pattern to get to something healthier.
Now I am getting ready for all kinds of Birthday celebrations. I am going to see if this week I can pick up a scale! That is right I am going to try and make peace with a scale. I have to know if I made any progress with the changes I have made. I was talking with a friend the other night, talking of other things, but especially about eating and habits. I think I will have a 'need to know' relationship with my scale - I will get on it when I need to know if I have made any progress. I don't think I can do every week, let alone every day - that would just freak me out - but maybe once a month, give or take would work - to do when i need to know.
I kind of know I have made progress by these external signs:
A ring that I love I can finally get on - I haven't been able to do this in years
The other ring I wear is lose on my finger
I put on a favorite shirt over the weekend and it was looser in the arms and didn't pull so much around the chest making those embarrassing gaps between buttons.
So let's hope the scale confirms what I already know!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
bubble gum and rubber bands
That is what is keeping life together right now. But it isn't as bad as it sounds.
First to success:
Today was the second day I brought a salad to work for lunch and a good one too with avocados and walnuts! It tasted so good for lunch.
And my salt and carbs intake is down from both Monday and Today - can I say proud and happy
Last night on my way home from therapy I stopped into a new market to pick up some things. I like that it is convenient on my walk to the subway. I got rice cakes and fish and chinese dumplings for a snack. Now, I did take a serious look at the dessert offerings, but in the end I didn't get anything - again I am proud of me. This is like the third time I have thought of dessert, and walked away. Now, I did have a little pineapple bread pudding that I made over the weekend when I got home - but for me the triumph is not buying something "special". The special thing I got for myself instead was flowers, snapdragons and tulips. I need the feel good thing after therapy yesterday, phew.
Last night I got a migraine before therapy, well it started at some point in the afternoon and really made itself known about 1/2 hour before I left work. So, I reach for the excedrin knowing that the caffeine will keep me up, and sure enough it did - until about 230 this morning. Then I left my cell phone at work, by the time I realized I didn't have it with me it was too late to come back to the office, so I locked it via my security website and hoped it would be in my office come morning - it was.
Tomorrow I am going to a funeral of a friend from the scottish organization I use to help out. She was a woman who was wonderfully understanding when I was diagnosed with cancer, because she had it many years ago. Tomorrow I am driving me and a few friends to the funeral.
This weekend I am headed home to see family. There are a bunch of us getting together Saturday morning to celebrate Mom's birthday which was on Monday 4/2. I am also going to help Mikey and Emily with planning their wedding ceremony.
So somewhere in time, in the near future I want to fit in silk painting, getting my profile up on Match.com, working some on my spiritual weight loss book/exercises, and do some spring cleaning.....
First to success:
Today was the second day I brought a salad to work for lunch and a good one too with avocados and walnuts! It tasted so good for lunch.
And my salt and carbs intake is down from both Monday and Today - can I say proud and happy
Last night on my way home from therapy I stopped into a new market to pick up some things. I like that it is convenient on my walk to the subway. I got rice cakes and fish and chinese dumplings for a snack. Now, I did take a serious look at the dessert offerings, but in the end I didn't get anything - again I am proud of me. This is like the third time I have thought of dessert, and walked away. Now, I did have a little pineapple bread pudding that I made over the weekend when I got home - but for me the triumph is not buying something "special". The special thing I got for myself instead was flowers, snapdragons and tulips. I need the feel good thing after therapy yesterday, phew.
Last night I got a migraine before therapy, well it started at some point in the afternoon and really made itself known about 1/2 hour before I left work. So, I reach for the excedrin knowing that the caffeine will keep me up, and sure enough it did - until about 230 this morning. Then I left my cell phone at work, by the time I realized I didn't have it with me it was too late to come back to the office, so I locked it via my security website and hoped it would be in my office come morning - it was.
Tomorrow I am going to a funeral of a friend from the scottish organization I use to help out. She was a woman who was wonderfully understanding when I was diagnosed with cancer, because she had it many years ago. Tomorrow I am driving me and a few friends to the funeral.
This weekend I am headed home to see family. There are a bunch of us getting together Saturday morning to celebrate Mom's birthday which was on Monday 4/2. I am also going to help Mikey and Emily with planning their wedding ceremony.
So somewhere in time, in the near future I want to fit in silk painting, getting my profile up on Match.com, working some on my spiritual weight loss book/exercises, and do some spring cleaning.....
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
its been a while!
Wow! life has been busy since the vagina monologues. So here is a quick update.
- Working on lowering my carbs and salt intake. Over the next month I am going to try salads with protein for lunch - I know - what a shock - me salads for lunch. I am trying to cut back on the bread.
- I am thinking of getting granola to go with my morning yogurt - getting the carbs that take longer to digest and so leave you feeling fuller longer.
- I want to also introduce eggs and sausage, separately, in the mornings.
- I am going to track this on my Lose It! app and see how I do - I am excited. I have a couple of doctors appointments in the beginning of May and I want to see how I do with blood test etc. - So that is my goal
- I haven't been doing my walking and now the 7 train is back to normal so I just have to get off the train a couple of stops early - I got to get back to that routine.
- I am starting to plan my niece's wedding
- In therapy I have been working on my anxiety, finding it's roots and working on defusing it in the present. Today was a challenge in me trusting the Goddess and letting go and not worrying with an interview I was setting up for my boss on Skype, which I have never used. There is something about using new technology that worries me - but today everything went just fine. I did worry a little, but I was able to let go and things went well - YaY! for me!
- I took another step with my heart project. I will share pictures when it is all done.
- I am trying to write a personal ad for match.com - last night I sketched out some notes - but I got to keep working on that.
- Womanspace seems to be stuck - like my heart project sometimes - waiting for time when I can work on it. hopefully in the next couple of days since..
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