First - yes, I needed the coffee to buzz along this morning. That said, I was very happy to walk in the rain this morning, switching subway stations, under my pink gerbera daisy umbrella and listening to Chopin's Nocturnes on my Ipod and the rain.
Wow - Thanks for the positive feedback from yesterday's Lesson 1.b post. I am not anxious or scared by any of the things I wrote. No judgment or self-blaming on my part. It feels liberating to tell those secrets - to just have them out there not hiding anymore.
Last night I took nude pictures of myself - carrying the honestly theme to the visual side. I wanted to see and connected with what I really look like in the mirror.
Now to Lesson 1.c
The author describes a mediation to do where you and God talk about the bricks with all those words on them and then God helps dissolve the wall of bricks so you can let go of them. First this imagery doesn't work for me. First I don't pray to God - rather to the Goddess and my spiritual helpers. Second seeing these bricks with these words on them doesn't deal with the fact that this my body we are talking about, not some brick wall. She makes the suggestion that these words and thought forms are being held in and on my body, then lets use images that deal with my body! not some wall of bricks.
So, here is what I came up with. A ritual:
1.Cast a circle, call in directions/elements/angels/spirit guides/god/desses
2.Smudge/cleanse me and anyone else who wants to witness/help
3.get some water soluble paint - black or brown - tempera/latex - and a brush
4. paint these words on my body - shame/judgment/heartbreak/pain/silence/hiding etc.
5. Look at these words on the body - see how I hold on to these not just visually, but also inside me, in the thought patterns/feelings/images/body sensations that may come up for me - talk to witnesses/mirror and say these things out load.
6. Now take a shower or bath (I would do a lovely scent bubble bath). Let all these words wash down the drain - as they go release them from your mind/emotions/body
7. Now with pink or many colors paint positive words and images (like flowers/butterflies/smiley faces) on my body - add glitter - add perfume - and really celebrate loving my body. I would even draw new lines on my body - showing what a trimmer body would look like from front and side views. Put on some dance music and shake my body and connect with the Trim Slim Carolyn and celebrate her as well - let her out!
8. Repeat ritual as needed!
Dear Goddess
Please remove the wall that I have built around me.
I have built to so strong, Goddess, that I cannot tear it down.
I surrender to You
every thought of separations
Every feeling of fear
every unforgiving thought,
Please Goddess, take this burden from me forever, Blessed Be/ Namaste
(on reflection - I might add this to the ritual as part of the washing away of words)
The author follows her exercise with a prayer (above) - which is fine - I think my ritual is a prayer played out creativly. I also couldn't help think - as step 8 mentions - that I need to repeat this prayer again. I feel that the first time is special and important, but also sometimes you need to repeat the process to ferret out the negative thought patterns and messages that LOVE to hide. I think people are fooled if they think doing this one time is going to solve the problem and they can just move on and not address it again - that the prayer will work the one time it is said short changes the healing process - many times these themes and patterns have to addressed again and again over time, and that repeat the process can deepen the healing, that it can reach deeper levels.
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