aches and pains and therapy

10:00am: I am tired and sore today - all that extra walking yesterday. I loved it last night, walking along Broadway after my first meeting with my therapist felt good. And the meeting with the therapist went well, I have feeling of happiness that I am doing this for myself and relief that finally I will all the pain, anger, hurt out in the open. When I go home last night I wanted to keep things quiet so I didn't turn on the TV, rather I put on music and relaxed - I was tired. I almost fell asleep early but I got into reading some poetry.

2:00pm - I am still really sore and tired. I resorted to taking some excedrin which has a little caffeine in it. I also have been thinking about therapy last night. As I took my little walk to my oak tree on campus memories from HS started chattering around my brain. I just have to keep breathing - there is a lot of pain and anger and hurt that I have been holding onto for 30+ years and now it is going to come out - reminding myself to breath helps the desire for it all to come out at once and consume me especially in tears and rage - and I can't live like that - so I use an image - a bubble - a container - to hold it lovingly  - and so I can let it out slowly - and I can also hold it and honor it by breathing deep and calming and acknowledging it is there. I know have permission to do this - and that is another relief as well. As my eyes tear up thinking of this - I keep telling myself "it is okay" "this is loving me - I love me" and the silence is being broken!

Tonight I am going to a networking event for women entrepreneurs. Even though I am tired I really want to go and network with other women who are starting their own businesses.

So, on the food front I have had chinese - general Tsao chicken, egg roll, ginger lemon cookies and rice chips - all on the bad list.

 I have an idea - I have a big spoon at home - what I am going to do is measure how much it holds or liquid and things like rice and then use it as my portion measure - the spoon is about the size of my palm. this will help me with my portions.

Lastly, Today is Bobbies Burns' birthday - Cheers to the great Scottish Bard! I wish I was having haggis, neepies and taddies - I may have whisky tonight and raise a toast to him.