facing fears/keeping positive

So, last night I was watching Thirteen and a special on Tony Bennett duets, which I loved!!! the next program on was about obesity and diabetes and it freaked me out! I listened for a little while, about the national trends, etc. But I got really scared for me. I believe the reason my mom has dementia now is because of diabetes. I don't want to lose my mind - losing that for me would be worse then losing the other 5 senses. So I must be my own ballast - to balance myself out again. So, let me be a cheerleader for me: I have already lost 50 pounds and kept it off. I have changed my eating habits, I pay more attention to fruits and veggies and protein and natural grains. I have worked hard to break the emotional eating - I was in the drug store recently and thought of getting combos - cheddar cheese and cracker - and I didn't!!! I have to say my friend D is inspiring me to be more aware of the emotional trip/snag. I find myself, when I am upset and wanting to emotionally eat, saying "Carolyn, this is emotional - food isn't going to help" and recently that has helped me make a better choice.One thing I might change right now is to work on the sugar in my diet. One thing I can do is to get plain greek yogurt for my morning breakfast and not put sugar in my tea at night. I know these are small things, but small steps count for me. Small steps is how, right now, I get to my goal.

So, back to facing the fears - again I realized today I have a choice how I react. I reminded myself of all the good things I was doing. I am doing the best that I can. Ultimately I have to love myself through all of this. I have to believe that I can do this - I can lose this weight and I will be healthier. Part of me - maybe the vulnerable/victim me wants to curl up and cry - but the strong me can't - I have to take little steps forward.

I know I can't think about this now, but my yearly doctor visit is coming up in April and going to that right now sends chills through me. I am just afraid of what they will find wrong with me.....but I will worry about that later...I think I feel most alone when it comes to dealing with my health.....