Befriending Fears

Today has been a day with buzz in it - from a little bit of coffee - to fun meditations - to working through befriending my fears. So - as much as I am bubbling over with good things, I really want to first tackle something, that is at least for me, hard. Dealing with shame and guilt about fear - Boy! is this a can of worms! I got thinking about shame and guilt's connection to fear from a friends Facebook post.

This really got the old juices flowing. It got me thinking about all the shame we have around what we are afraid of. Well, maybe by just naming my fears and being honest, if only with myself, that I have them, this brings the fear out into the light, away from hiding in dark places in shame. Naming my fears, both big and small, for me doesn't give them more power, by bring them out and saying them and bring honesty's light to them takes their power away. Is looks to me as shame is the enabler of fear - if we are ashamed of things then we are afraid of them. If we admit these things opening as things that are, that simple act takes a lot of fear's power away. Now lately I have gotten some of this guilt in my mind - here is the question that has run through my mind - what of my fears are my own making and what are fears that have been handed down to me, by family, friends or society? There is part of me that thinks I am responsible for all my fears - and yes I am responsible for deciding what to do with them. And then - Wow - more work at taking apart fears! So, I work on not just breaking the patterns of behavior and action associated with fear - but I must reframe the story about that fear so that the fear as my internal story is no longer a fear. Taking a look at fear in this way helps me to feel empowered and gives me great hope.

All of these thoughts about fear, actions and stories brings me back to the days right after 9/11/2001. I made a very conscious decision not to be afraid working my way back to my apartment in Brooklyn on 9/12/2001. I can remember talking on the phone with my boss, letting her know that my primary goal for the day was to make my way home. I was not going to let this attack stop me from moving around this city I love. They may bomb the train I travel on or catch in some other attack, but I was not going to let that stop me from trying to get to my home. So, knowing that the trains I needed were up and running, I left my brothers apartment on West 100th Street in Manhattan and headed home to 345 Westminster Road, Brooklyn. Was I a little scared - sure I was - but my determination kept me calm, and my trust that this was my small act of courage in the midst of so much horror and devastation.