Rain and Therapy and letters to the Goddess

Heavens, I know we need the rain, but it feels like we are having March weather in May - well, we had May weather in March, so there you go! It has been a coffee afternoon, since I don't drink it everyday - I see coffee as a treat and for today it is warming me up and being that little extra something to get through the afternoon.

Last night I talked about creating a better communication style for myself and trying to break the pattern I grew up with. I also talked about when people bring up red flags for me in communication - learning to be open and honest that there is a problem and hoping to talk through it, but to also not let go the red flag defense mechanism warning system - that tells me something is wrong that needs to be discussed. Very good conversation last night with the therapist. I also shared with her my epiphany that my fear and anxiety come from an insecure and unsupported childhood and my experience of that epiphany echoing back to me like the universe was saying "Yes, you get it - you have known it - you are right", an affirmation back from the universe. It feels like the fear has shifted somehow. I also talked about how much of what I am doing now is building the kind of support and love in my life now that I didn't have as a child/adolescent and haven't had in my life for a  very long time, if ever.

So, I find myself today writing another letter to the Goddess, feeling grateful for some many things:

Dearest Divine Mother,

I come to you today with a full, grateful and happy heart. It has been a long journey of reclaim me and you, a long journey of reclaim after having cancer. Though I have struggled, right now I feel so lucky. With May Day ushering in the light half of the year I finally am celebrating spring in it's glory - especially all the different colors of green leaves coming out. I also what to give thanks to you for bring such special people into my life - Ramona, Priscilla, Deb, Audrey, Beth, RTT women, Yellow Wolf, Judy, Cathy, Diane, Jocelyn - each are such precious wonderful women that have helped me know I am loved, honored and cared for. Just mentioning their names fills my heart with deep gratitude and honor to know them as I do. I also want to thank you for good therapists who help by listening, honoring, supporting and mentoring to better ways and patterns of living.

Lastly, thank you Great Mother - Bright One - Bridget - for being in my and around me. I am slowly learning how dear you are in my life, in all that I do. As I study and practice may our relationship become deeper and more trusting and loving - so that I can then share that with others.

Now, let me go walk in your rain - bless me with the rain as you do the earth and have nourish all creation.

Always in trust, love and gratitude,
Carolyn